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One of the funnier northern poems is the the Lay of Harbard (Hárbarðsljóð), where Thor is returning to Asgard from one of his adventures (killing jotuns?); he comes to a river and meets a ferryman named Harbard ("Grey-Beard") who is actually his father Odin in disguise (Odin loves to play tricks like this on people). They proceed to mock each other; needless to say Thor doesn't do very well.
Thor was returning from a lourney to the east and came to a sound; on the other side of the sound was the ferryman with a boat. Thor cried out:
1 THOR:Who is that fool of fools on the far shore?
2 HARBARD: Who is that clown of clowns who calls across the fjord?
3 THOR: Ferry me over: I will feed you this morning. In the bag on my back are the best of foods, Herrings and goatmeat: I am glutted with them. Before I left home I ate my fill.
4 HARBARD: You would never praise them if you knew all: Your kin are mourning: your mother is dead.
5 THOR: What you say is the saddest thing A man can hear - that my mother is dead.
6 HARBARD: You don't look like a lord with lands of your own: Without breeches, barefooted, You look more like a tramp.
7 THOR: Row over your boat and beach it where I show you. Who owns the boat you hold to the shore?
8 HARBARD: Battle-Wolf: he is wise in counsel And sits in a hall on the sound of Radsey. I am ordered to refuse horse-thieves and robbers, Accept only those I can see are honest: Tell me your name if you would travel across.
9 THOR: I would tell you my name, tell you my lineage, Were I an outlaw: I am Odin's son, Meili's brother and Magni's father, The god who throws. With Thor you deal. In turn I bid you tell me your name.
10 HARBARD: My name is Harbard:I hide it seldom.
11 THOR: Why hide your name if not condemned?
12 HARBARD: Though condemned, unless I be doomed to fall, I would save my life from such as you.
13 THOR: Demeaning it would be to wade over And ruin my gear: you will get what you deserve For your clodhopper's taunts if I cross the fjord.
14 HARBARD: Wade away: I will wait for you. No harder man have you met since Hrungnir died.
15 THOR: How dare you refer to my fight with Hrungnir, The stout-hearted giant with a stone head! I struck him down; he fell dead before me. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
16 HARBARD: I was with Fjolver for five winters. We fought battles, felled heroes, And wooed maidens: we had much to do.
17 THOR: How were the women you won there?
18 HARBARD: Lively they were, once they were tamed, Wise too, once they grew faithful: Out of sea-sand they spun ropes, Dug out the bottoms of deep valleys. Among those fair ones I was first in counsel: With seven sisters I dallied And had my way with them all. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
19 THOR: The mighty-thewed Thjazi I slew, Cast the eyes of the son of All-Wielder Up into bright heaven: They are the mightiest marks of my works, Hereafter to be seen by all mankind. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
20 HARBARD: With potent love-charms I lured from their husbands Hateful night-riding hags: A hard giant I thought Hlebard to be; He brought me a magic branch, But I charmed away his wits.
21 THOR: For his good gifts you gave him evil.
22 HARBARD: One oak gets the fruit that falls from another: It is each for himself at all times. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
23 THOR: I was in the east, the home of the giants, And thrashed their brides on their way back to the fells: The giants would rule all, if all were alive, All men lie dead under Middle Earth. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
24 HARBARD: I was in Gaul: I egged on to battle Boar-helmets and forbade them peace. To Odin belong the earls who are slain, But Thor gets the kin of thralls.
25 THOR:Unfairly would the gods fare at your hands, Were you as strong as you wish.
26 HARBARD: You are strong enough but not stout- hearted, For you cowered, Thor, in the thumb of a glove And forgot that you were a god: You dared not then, your dread was so great, Either sneeze or break-wind, lest Fjalar hear.
27 THOR: Be silent, slave! I would ~end you to Hel, Could I but stretch across the fjord.
28 HARBARD: Why should you stretch? There is no strife between us. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
29 THOR: I was in the east, where I held the river: There the Sons of Svarang sought me out, They lobbed stones but little that helped them, I beat them down till they begged for peace. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
30 HARBARD: I was traveling in the east where I talked and played With a linen-white one and had a love-meeting: I gladdened Gold-bright and gave her pleasure.
31 THOR: You had luck in your choice of a lovely maid.
32 HARBARD: I could have used your help, then, to hold her fast.
33 THOR: I would have helped you, had I had the chance.
34 HARBARD: I would have trusted you, had you not betrayed our pact.
35 THOR: I am no heel-biter like an old hide-shoe in Spring.
36 HARBARD: Meanwhile, what were you doing?
37 THOR: I battled in Hlesey with the Berserk's wives, Who had done their worst to bewitch the folk.
38 HARBARD: It was base of you, Thor, to battle with women.
39 THOR: No women they were, but wolves rather: They shattered my ship on the shore where I beached it - And chased away Thjalfi with threatening clubs. Meanwhile, what were you doing?
40 HARBARD: I was with an army: hither we came To raise banners and redden spears.
41 THOR: Do you mean that you came to make war?
42 HARBARD: A ring would better the bargain for you, A cool umpire to calm our dispute.
43 THOR: From where did you take such taunting words? Never have I borne with more bitter taunts.
44 HARBARD: I took them from men, from men of old Who are housed in Earth's Wood.
45 THOR: A goodly name you give to barrows When you hail them as Ear?h's Wood.
46 HARBARD: Thus I judge such things.
47 THOR: Little good would you get for your glibness of tongue If I should wade through the water: Louder than a wolf, I believe, you would presently Howl at a tap from my hammer.
48 HARBARD: You could prove your mettle with more point at home, Where Sif in your absence sits with a lover.
49 THOR: What you say now is of all news the worst: Shameless coward, I am sure that you lie.
50 HARBARD: I say it is true: you are slow on your journey. Further would you have stepped had you started at dawn.
51 THOR: You lie! It is you who have delayed my journey.
52 HARBARD: I never thought that Thor of the gods Would be worsted on his way by a herdsman.
53 THOR: Harbard, bring your boat across now: Let us argue no more; come to Magni's father.
54 HARBARD: Depart from the fjord: your passage is denied.
55 THOR: Then show me the way since you won't ferry me.
56 HARBARD: Little it is to deny, long it is to travel: An hour to the stock, to the stone another, Keep left till you reach the Land of Man; There will Fjörgyn meet Thor, her son, And show him the highway to Odin's land.
57 THOR: Shall I reach home today?
58 HARBARD: By sunrise with much sorrow and toil Thor will get home, I think.
59 THOR: We will speak no more: if we meet again, You shall pay for your refusal to ferry me over.
60 HARBARD: Drop dead! May the demons have you!
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.